Dating Chronicles: Episode 2

I should have learned this when I was dating my ex-husband ... or when we were engaged ... or when we were married, but, I didn't.

Dating Tip #2:

Fall in love with yourself,

first. 

                 - @thegarnetexperience

A Personal, and necessary, note: Nothing I ever blog about my ex-husband is malicious, ill willed or drafted to paint of picture of who he is. The things I choose to state are a very very very small piece of my experience on the journey. Though our relationship ended, he is a person I will always love. From the bottom of my soul, I will never say that was a mistake. Instead, it was quite possibly the best thing to ever happen to me.  

When I met my ex-husband, he was so into me that it excited me beyond measure. I loved me, or so I thought. And, he loved me, too, or so I thought. He was the first person that completely accepted me for who I was. We worked well together. We dated well. We laughed well. We traveled well. We talked about the hard things well. We lived together - well. When our marriage came to an end, it was because he didn't like me or love me. Which, until I saw my therapist, I couldn't understand. But, as we pulled back the layers of that stanky (yes, stanky) onion - I heard what he said... "I do not like you. I do not love you."

Channeling back to the last few months of my marriage, I understood him to be depressed. In his depression, he did not like himself. How on earth could I expect a man to like me that doesn't like himself? I couldn't. But, I did.  

When I moved on from that and went through therapy, unpacking all of the traumas I had experienced in life, I began to fall in love with myself in a way I didn't know was even possible. I began to look at myself in the mirror and see beauty. I began to read my words and see the power in them. I began to look at my accomplishments and see success. 

I started dating, going out with lots of guys and experiencing lots of new things. Then, this one guy, that I didn't even know I was connected to on social media, caught my attention. I shot my shot, ladies: don't judge. Half of y'all need to be shooting shots too, and we began to date.

One day, something changed. We had been dating a couple of months, 3, perhaps, by this time. I kept pressing the issue and then realized "I've been here before." When I realized this was my experience at the end of my marriage, I pulled far far away and only began to respond to him instead of reach out to him. Soon thereafter, it came out in conversation, "I'm not sure I'm ok with me so it's hard for me to accept that you actually love me."

*ding ding ding* DASSIT!

Ladies and gentleman, no one can accept love from people when they don't love themselves - this includes you. Why? Because, they can't understand  how someone can love something so much that they do not love at all. 

See: beyhive for non-Beyoncé fans. 

See: Cardi B's following, for non-Cardi B fans. 

It's not that people are hating. It's literally that they can't understand the love that people exude because they do not exude love themselves. 

Go out there and love on you so much that when someone comes behind you and loves you hard(er), you'll acknowledge it and accept it for what it is. Trust me, you deserve that. 

- garnet terri