...relocation...

14, december, 2009

I am down to my last 24 hours in Asia. For the past week or so I have been traveling, Thailand and China. In leaving Japan I find myself to be extremely homesick. I have not been homesick in the entire 15 months that I have been gone, except for when I dropped my parents off at the airport and realized I couldnt go home with them. But, that was 8 months ago.

Asia has allowed me to realize so many things. I have met so many people. But, most importantly I have truly realized the desires of my heart, my mind and my spirit. I have come to see who I am and who i want to be. I have come to learn about the things I want to experience and the things I dont.

I wont know until I return back to the states how much Ive changed, but, Id like to think its all for the better.

Going home will be a very interesting experience for me. There are only a handful of people I communicate with on a regular and I dont mind being a bit anti-social. I am anxious to return to see some museums, hear some music and play in the snow. I am anxious to hug someone. I am anxious to play with my dog. I am anxious to eat my mothers food and be able to bake something in the oven. I am anxious to unlock a door to a home and not walk up the stairs to an apartment. I am axious to see what it feels like to walk down the street and not see kanji. I am anxious to see street signs. I am anxious to see tall people. I am anxious to see what it feels like to return home.

thank you again Asia
its been amazing!

garnet

Transitions...

((Rewind))

August 22, 2008: Originally I should have been departing on this date to begin my new life on the other side of the world. But, due to uncontrollable circumstances, I asked for a later departure date.

Around August 31, 2008 I told my mother I no longer wanted to go. I think she knew I was going to change my mind because she didn't react to this at all. I was adamant about not going until around September 3rd when I decided to go shopping for my September 5th departure. On September 4th I said my last goodbyes and was off on the 5th. I was numb to leaving. I wasn't excited. I wasn't scared. Quite frankly, I didn't have any major emotions at all.

Now, its November 18, 2009. In less than one month I will be back on American soil. I'm anxious. I'm nervous. I'm scared. I'm excited. I'm happy. I'm sad. I'm hesitant. I'm very weary. I'm unsettled. But, in essence, I'm ready.

In the past year and a half I learned a lot. I learned what tenacity is. I learned what stress is. I learned what discipline is. I learned what fortune is. I learned what faith is. I learned what friendship is. I learned what depression is. I learned what translations are. I learned what body language is. I learned what fear is. I learned what dedication is. I learned what love is. But, most of all, I learned what living is.

According to my mother, I have been on a paid vacation for the past several months. In essence, I have. I have been able to travel, party, eat, socialize, learn new languages, see new countries and experience new cultures ... oh yes, and stay in LOTS of hostels. My life has been simply amazing over the past few months. I have seen sakura (cherry blossoms) that are so beautiful a picture could not even begin to capture the beauty of them. I have been atop mountains that have shown me how simple life is. The breath of fresh air that can be consumed amongst the clouds is one of the most joyful feelings on Earth. Standing in the Peace Park in Hiroshima that was full of history only to think about how much peace is actually missing in the world. Living here has made me realize how many breaths people take failing to recognize the moments that are actually taking their breath away. It has allowed me to refocus on the simple things that maintain my sanity. I have been reintroduced to the serenity of solitude. I have been reminded of how beautiful life is.

Japan has been more than wonderful and simply amazing. There are not enough words in the history of words to describe how appreciative I am of this time.

I pray that everything that I have seen, heard, felt, smelled and tasted can help me to have the best life on Earth.

I love my life. Thank you japan.

本当にありがとうございます。

また近いうちに。

ガーネット

enigmatic love

lately i have had some strange feelings: feelings about love and what it is. feelings about love and how to deal with them. feelings about marriage. feelings about happiness. feelings about joy. i feel like a baby but all of my friends are having babies and getting married.

a lot of my friends date to date and settle because they want a wedding. actually, that may be people in general. but for me, dating is different, a wise woman (thankfully shes my mom) once said to me "never live like you are married until you are married." a wise man (thankfully hes my dad) once said, "the guys that buy you things are not the ones you need to love, but they are the ones that will feel as if you owe them something." and a wise young man (thankfully my brother) said "hes not good enough for you" as i ask "do u know him?" he responded "doesnt matter, no one will be good enough."

with those wise words i never felt the need to be exclusively involved with anyone. i like you. you like me. lets go out. if you happen to be the only guy i am going out with that is great, and if not, its fine too. as i prepare to possibly think about considering the fact that i might want to get married in the near or distant future, i thought about it. love is the easiest habit to attain and the hardest to break. so why oh why would i plan to love someone that doesnt make me better? why would i choose to be with someone that may praise me but does not necessarily better my life in any way shape or form.

i would much rather have an enigma. i LOVE puzzles because at first glance u can never see their beauty. it takes piece after piece to make the masterpiece. and if you make your way to completing the puzzle, its forever. mama knows i like him. he is an enigma. i have a few pieces but as i continue to put the puzzle together it doesnt get easier. each day its a challenge, it racks my brain and makes me think. i wait and just look at it sometimes. and if im not sure of the next piece i admire what i have until i can figure out where the next piece goes.

the best thing about puzzles is this. when you see what they could be (their potential) you fall in love with the imagery. when you first start the puzzle it is very frustrating, but you (well i) first put together the framework. the border is the easiest part to piece together because each piece has at least one flat side. you KNOW where they go. when the basics are put in to place you smile. you know you are on to something great. as you find pieces you see different images in the puzzle. sometimes you can get frustrated because you want the end result, but you dont know how to attain it, though u know it is attainable, because somewhere, you have all of the pieces. day in and day out you attempt this puzzle. you admire the puzzle from afar. you take everything into consideration and do what you can with what you have.

but, in the event that you create this puzzle, if you put all of the pieces together, you are sure that it will last forever, until you drop it and it shatters into pieces. but every puzzle will not be dropped. some will be framed and admired for a life time. and that puzzle, that enigma, that love, when it is complete, when it is forever, it is amazingly beautiful. every time someone gets to admire it, they will smile. they may critique it, but they will understand that it is meant to be because all of the pieces fit so perfectly.

piece together your enigmas, do not settle for the film that has been developed.

g.

9, november, 2009

I gave up religion for relationship ...

((12, october, 2009))

So, I was on facebook today and decided I wanted to talk to a friend that I havent spoken to in ages. I cant even remember the last time we had a conversation. Well, we began the conversation on his finance and him wanting to blog instead. Then we talked about my job ... we caught up. And then it turned into a testimonial conversation. We started talking about God and following His word, walking in faith and not fighting the battles at hand. Of course I was raised in the church. But, until my sophomore year of college, I was a part of a religion. I was a religious follower of something I was not truly connected to. Sure, I believed in God and the trinity, but I believed in a lot of things. I followed my families guidance and did what seemed to be a good idea.

After beginning school I wanted a relationship. I wanted a romantic relationship, a platonic relationship, a consistent relationship, a perfect relationship. Now, what better than to have a relationship with God ... Now, Im a control freak. I dont like not being in control. I like leading as much as humanly possible, but with God ... thats not happening.

"it's like i wanna be part of a tag team in these fights and struggles in life, when really im just an excited spectator who gets in his way and slows stuff down and gets injured and needs to be repaired" - CR

Its interesting what catching up can offer you. And, nothing makes me happier than talking to my male friends about God. Halle!

Do you have religious views or are you in a relationship?

fiftytwopluseight

2009.08.october

Sometimes life happens. Ok, life always happens. But, what do you do when life interrupts your living.

As I get ready for the transition back home I think of my losses and my gains. I think about Japan, the place I now call home vs. America that was always my home. I will miss so many things. I will miss the cleanliness. I will miss the safety. I will miss the convenience. I will miss the cordiality. I will miss the helpfulness. I will miss the dedication. I will miss the tenacity to culture. I will miss my apartment. I will miss traveling in Asia. I will miss my kids. But, most of all I will miss knowing. I will miss knowing what to expect.

In heading back to America I have no idea what to expect. Actually, I retract that statement. I know I can count on a lot of lies and deceit. I am sure I will encounter racism. I am quite positive I will see some violence. I can probably count on feeling very unsafe. I can count on a lot of negativity.

How could I feel so strongly about the negatives that America has to offer? I mean, I truly look forward to being able to call my mom all day every day just because I have some random question. I will be very happy to go see one of my brothers shows again. I mean I guess they both have their perks, but Japan may have just been my heaven on Earth.

lets see whats next...

A. Big. Change. Differrentiates. Everlasting. Factors. Greatly.

...28, September, 2009

A. Big. Change. Determines. Everlasting. Factors. Greatly.

After taking a look at myself I began to realize I am not who I thought I was.

Because of my protective shield, I don't open up to some people.

Caring about them more than they choose to care about me,

Deciding to cater to them instead of myself.

Eventually it takes a toll on your heart.

Following your heart and trusting yourself,

Good thing I am a risk taker.

Heavy burdens of "defeat," if you would like to call it that.

I am choosing to make a change for the better.

Just because I am changing does not mean I am losing myself,

Kindly rearranging my relationships based on the "change of the seasons."

Loving myself because if I don't why would someone else.

Merely taking a lot of things into consideration.

Not holding back as much as I did before.

Opening up to those that need to know

Purifying my situations to the best of my ability

Quieting my thoughts and relying more on my actions

Reacting to things in a manner that can help things grow

Simply choosing to change... grow... mature... believe

Taking time to develop myself in order to be the best me, daughter, sister, friend and wife I can

Unifying my mind with my heart

Veiling my emotions, except to those that need to see them

Wishing on a few more stars

X-raying my mind for my own benefit

Yearning for just a little bit more...

Zooming towards my dreams, and helping to create my fairytale ending.

love,

g.

The Journey of Obon

Day 1: Augst 9, 2009 @3:00am

New message ... my phone vibrates with an email from my mom. It's a prayer about the weather, you know, typhoons and such. So, I woke up to check the weather. Of course there are three hurricanes brewing in my travel regions ... oh joy. Finally, I fell back asleep only to wake up and start my day @ 4:30am. After getting ready, we (travel buddy, houseguest and I) head to the train station at 5:30am. Our limited express to KIX departs at 6:02am. Houseguest stays until later on on the 9th, we say our farewells at the Kusatsu Station. After the 2 hour train ride to the airport we head through security and are on our way. Cathay Pacific is not nearly as nice as EVA Airways, but, it will do. I slept most of the way. Finally, near the end of the flight we were fed. "All we have left is eel." Well, glad Skip wasn't on this flight. But, that was the first time I had eel and it was decent, but sweet. After I finished eating I looked to my left only to see a man eating the salt and pepper out of the packet - a tad suspect. We then arrive in Hong Kong. This airport is nice but its huge. You have to go up to go down, left to go right. Its a mess. NOW, I sit and wait for the next flight to Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia. Oh, I think I've been in Japan too long. When I speak the first words that come out are in Japanese ... WOW!

We arrive to Kuala Lumpur and all is well. We found our way to the Express train and then got temporarily lost on our way to the monorail. Malaysia smells funny. :( After getting the monorail at Sentral KL Station we managed to get to the hostel. We walked past a lot of dirt, grime and grandaddy mobster suspect looking people, but, we found our way to the "modern looking" building. After settling into our hostel we decided to venture of and find dinner. Japanese Restaurant? No! Japanese Restaurant #2? No! Fine, lets eat at Outback... way to broaden my horizons. SMH. (shaking my head!) Anywho, we then headed back to the hostel, walked through a night marked and settled in for sleep after a very long day. Can I make it to the 17th with my travel buddy? Stay tuned.

Day 2: 10 August 2009 @ 9:00am

I had the best sleep of my life. Truly my mothers child, when away I sleepy fully clothed. So, I wake up in leggings, socks, and a tshirt. My travel buddy, well, doesnt amend to that rule. Anywho, I woke up to two voicemails and messages none of which I checked. I did, however, call my mom. I truly miss traveling with my family. They are the best travel buddies a girl could ask for. After speaking with domicile, L. Boogie and ROomie, I got showered and we relocated from Hostel #1 to Hostel #2. In getting to Hostel #2, Red Palm, I was instantly much happier. Sofie, the hostel owner and operator, was extremely friendly (thanks Bulani for the recommendation). We then, and when I say we I mean I, decided to go to the Batu Caves. Now, when I dressed today I wore a shirt flip flops and a tee ... I always seem to dress "appropriately" for my Asian adventures. So, the hostel gave us a map and boy was it an adventure. (Mom, thanks for all of these random road trips in which I was the navigator. It still comes in handy.) We made it to the random bus stop in which my travel buddy attempted to help navigate (without looking at the map or ever having been to Malaysia), luckily we (again meaning I) didn't follow those directions. After arriving to the bus station we waited for the buses for a while. Then a Malaysian man came around yelling "Batu Caves" so of course we boarded. When we arrived to the caves. There were two hundred seventy two steps that we had to climb, rabid screaming monkeys with unhealthily long tails, snakes, iguanas, roaches and (wait for it) roosters. Now, seeing all of this could be due to the wild mushrooms my travel buddy insisted I try. (ok, sorry mom, just kidding.) After finishing the cave tour travel buddy wanted a coconut. Some random man heard him say "oishi" (which means "this tastes good" in japanese) and was utterly confused as to why we were speaking japanese. He was a funny looking somewhat scary looking japanese man and started to talk to us. Mind you, he was sweating profusely and had a lady with him that was twice his height, half his age and four times more attractive. ConfuseD? More than! We then stumbled upon a vegetarian indian restaurant with a waiter from Bangladeshi, ourselves being British and American and living in Japan on a trip to Malaysia via China. Cultured? I think I am. Anywho, travel buddy had his cocount in hand so I asked if we could eat with it. He said sure and asked how many. He sat us and then brough over two more coconuts. I had just told travel buddy that I hate coconut, so travel buddy suffered and drank three liters of liquid laxative. Travel buddy then had to "poo" using a squatter and our map as toilet paper. Welcome to subpar adventures. We ate well and had good laughs with Rajm (our waiter). What will our next adventure be? Oh wait, we ate some food on banana leaves but we did use a fork and spoon, shame on us for breaking tradition. Now, on to the next adventure ...

After finishing at the Batu Caves we hopped on a bus and headed back to the hostel. After returning to the hostel a bit before running into a Dutch tourist. She invited us to dinner and we kindly accompanied her. We ate at a fancy noodle bar, ok it wasnt fancy at all. But, she wasnt too excited about it. It wasnt satisfying enough for her. She was quite interesting. She decided to go backpacking for a year. SHe is 9 months in, sounds grand. Though she turned me off when she asked what I wanted to do after Japan and I told her I wanted to go to grad school and she responded, "oh, trying to find yourself?" I was no longer interested in conversing. Anywho, she wasnt satsfied so we then ate at an indian spot. I had naan and it was amazing. After eating we headed back to the hostel and slept.

Day 3: August 11th 2009

Day 3 began early. I woke up at about 6:30 because travel buddy wanted to do something that needed to be done at 7am. Well travel buddy didnt wake up until 8 in which he came downstairs at 9 and then became slightly attitudinal when I said we missed out. But, it is what it is. Travel buddy then proceeded to ask me what our other options were. People will use their brains one day, right? Anywho, we then traveled to the KL tower. It was decent ... I liked the Seoul tower better. After the tower we ventured to the animal zone and the F1 simulator. *cricket* We then thought it would be a good idea to eat some fine Asian cuisine, what adventure will it be today? Hmmm Wendys? YAY! ((irony, there is no wendys where i love, i was shocked at how big the cup was, hence the picture in the album)) Then travel buddy went on an adventure to see something adventurous, I was so excited to go see the housing project (NOT!) so I stayed behind... sue me. I slept and slept and slept while he was away. When I woke up from my nap travel buddy was with Tim (the chinese man from Australia) having a chat. I was in the mood for some naan so I invited them to come along. Of course they came to dinner and it was great. Afterwards, Tim and Travel Buddy went for a walk in which they found a bar, got dunk and then went for massages. Oops, I missed that too.

Day 4 - 12 August 2009

Today, travel buddy wanted to see the Petronas Towers. We left the hostel at about 8 and reached the towers at about 8:30, they weren't letting anymore guests in. So, we walked, and walked, and walked. We finally decided on a destination "Titiwangas Lake." Though we followed the sings, we kept walking, and walking, and walking. We then reached a familiar city where we could take the monorail to this said lake. When we got off the monorail, we followed the directions of the woman at the station. Well, she directed us to ... THE HIGHWAY! What?! I'm convinced this lake does NOT exist. Sim we stopped at 7-eleven and got some liquid beverage before we walked back to the station. We thought it was a good idea to stop at Starbucks and grab something to drink. "Oh cool, this appears to be a mall, for sure they have a pharmacy." As I counted my TWENTY mosquito bites, all while praying I didnt get malaria, I decided to get some cream to "soothe and relieve." I applied the Moz Bite and it did not really work but it was ok. We then decided to head to eat because it was now around 1pm. We ended up eating at Nandos, I think thats in America, anywho, it was delicious!! We stayed there for a long while and "observed" the people. They were very rude to this little waiter. I felt bad for him. Moving on ... we headed back to the hostel contemplating what our next move would be. Since it was raining we decided to take the "Hop on Hop Off" bus tour which happened to be good. We met an Indian British family living in Dubai and were able to have great conversation with them. After heading back to the hostel we realized it was dinner time. So, we invited Benjamin along. Where di we decide to go? yet another indian restaurant. So Benjamin, where are you from? Well, I'm from Germany but my moms French and my dads Turkish, I went to school in London and I came from Thailand. Oh I understand... (this was the beginning of a very eventful evening). We had a table of 3 with 6 backgrounds ... it was hilarious. To back track, the INdian restaurant is the restaurant in which we bought our bus tickets. the same place we saw patricia again (the woman we ate dinner with the 2nd night in malaysia) and a girl from Finland. These people at this restaurant were so nice that we promised to come back. (play) We decided to have our meal and the do hookah. Now, I dont know how people smoke, I thought I was going to die from this stuff. Benjamin and travel buddy laughed at me, A LOT! But, it was quality entertainment. I was a party pooper again and decided to leave the party early. Benjamin and travel buddy then went to find a bar in which they were successful. They also found some hookers and returned as comedians. We had a great laugh that night - boy oh boy. Before sleeping they decided we would attempt the towers again the next day.

Day 5: 13 August 2009

((6am))

Travel Buddy, are you awake? Lets get ready to go. Ben, Ben get up. What time is it? 6:15. Ugh! Everyone was ready by 7 and two of the three of us were still drunk ... this will be great! We made our trek to the towers and got there at about 7:30. We got a 715 tour and had a blast. When we were getting our tickets the woman ahead asked how many in which responded three. She then asked where we were from ... *cricket* America? As the peanut gallery chimed in "I'm not American." Hmmmph. We go to the tour and of ocurse started trouble. Oh the laughs. We were chewing gum, that wasn't allowed. We were taking a video, probably wasn't allowed. They were drunk, Im sure that was prohibited. I'm glad we weren't in Singapore yet, we surely would have been arrested. Shame.

Arashiyama ...

Arashiyama Monkey park

I'm sitting on top of yet another mountain digesting the facts of life.

Fact. Summers in japan are hot.

Fact. Mountains are breathtaking.

Fact. Clouds are beautiful creations filled with dreams.

Fact. This is my reality.

At 22 I never dreamed I would be living this dream. But, God always knew.

He knew I would live to experience the beauty that the world had to offer.

It is so fitting that Im living this dream now.

My grandparents taught me how to experience the beauty of life.

Life is amazing.

Stop existing and start living.

Stop thinking and just do.

Stop hating and start loving.

The world is your oyster.

Go grab your pearl and seize the day.

Gambatte
3aug09

Journey to Taiwan

I apologize for my late updates. I will not take so long next time. But, here are my Taiwanese adventures ... enjoy ;-)

29 April 2009

As I begin my journey, I'm starting with Joel Osteen. One thing I have realized about me is that I have not chosen happiness. Today I am going to live as if I am living the greatest life on Earth. My mind does not correlate with my circumstance. I can be happy regardless of my situation. Life is amazing!

Day 1: Pure Amazement At around 7am I woke up to do the last few things I needed to do before I left for Taiwan. At about 8:30 I caught the train to the airport. Always a fantabulous 2 hour ride. After getting to the airport, 2 hours before my flight, it took me all of 5 minutes to get through security and customs. After getting through customs I ran into Sarah ( a friend from work) as she was on her way to Bali. We chatted for a little while and then went our separate ways. I sopped at Starbucks to get my short chai tea latte and an apple muffin. I took the train to my gate and then I waited. I called my mom before boarding and then got on the plane. EVA Airways is great! THe seats were comfortable, they gave you nice plush pillows and blankets AND they had a lot of movie selections. Now, mind you, its a 3hour flight from KIX - TPE, they even gave you a meal. I was thoroughly impressed with this airline. Oh, and for the alcoholics, they serve free liquor with the meal. After arriving to TPE I got through customs and then walked through my "cootie" screening. [These people are bracing themselves, they don't want the swine flu!] I didn't check a bag so I went to money exchange and then to the bus stop. All of the buses in Taiwan are like tour buses, very plush, tvs for every seat ... they are nice. When I arrived to Taipei Main Station ( a bus station) I got semi-lost but I found the bus station I was supposed to be at. After getting on the bus, I safely reached the bus station near Brittanys house (where I would be staying). But, the cab drivers didnt know where she lived. So - lucky for me, there was a man willing to help me and through chinesEnglish dialogue I got to Brittanys House. Her apartment is HUGE! 3 bedrooms, 2 full baths, leather couches ... WOW! She felt bad for making me sleep on a mattress on the floor, but, Im used to that - clearly. After putting down my things, we went out (Jill (her roommate) Brittany and I_ for dinner. Both of them have scooters and I am truly a fan. Now, I want a motorcycle even more! We had chicken and noodles and it was really really good. But, it was a lot of food. I think I ate half of what I was served. Japan has cut my appetite in half. We then went for ice cream "Mafia Man Ice.": I had the mango. It tasted like a mango slush with fresh fruit on it. It was quite tasty! We headed back home and talked for the night, about some of everything. Day 1 was truly a success.

Day 2: April 30, 2009

Today I woke up sore. I wanted to go to work with the girls but I refused to get up. So, when I finally did, Jill had gotten me breakfast. It was interesting. It was like a pasta crepe sandwich thing cut up into pieces. IDK, it was good, I think. After eating I looked around at the amazing view of Yilan. WOW! I'm glad I got to see things like this. Its not so much seeing something Ive never seen. I get more excited because each trip I take offers me a new perspective on life. Its simply amazing. Something to be cherished and not taken for granted. Live, laugh, love ... LIFE! After Brittany got home from work we went to the NIght Market for lunch. It was actually really good. We had this Taiwanese vegetable burrito thingy. After we ate lunch, we went to the life God temple. THe temples in Taiwan are a lot more colorful then the temples in Japan. They are still very nice. After seeing the temple, we went to the liquor museum place where we made a bad attempt to steal the recipe for liquor as well as a bottle. We were unsuccessful with the bottle, but, we go the recipe. After that, we went to the music house, it was Japanese style. The house was cozy and the instruments were nice. After leaving the music house, we ventured to a tea house. THe Taiwanese are quite intelligent. Instead of using plastic lids, they use this sealed plastic wrap. It makes life easier! Anywho, after great conversation and tea, it was time for Brittany and Jills Chinese lesson. They take a chinese lesson at a teachers home. THey are actually quite fluent in chinese. THe class is 2hrs and the teacher is so cute. When leaving the chinese lesson I met Adam and Paige. Adam is definitely great. We went to "mamas" for dinner. THe Taiwanese eat so much! After "mamas" we had shaven ice. I personally liked Mafia Man better!

Day 3: April 31, 2009

I got a chance to go to English Village with Brittany. Though my teaching is a lot more effective, English Village is a lot more practical. They focus on learning for different things. IT is like a big simulation course. THey have a dance studio, a restaurant, an airport, a clothing store, a doctors office and a drugstore. IT was great. I didnt log the rest of my trip so lets assume I got on a plane and then went home. But, it was a great trip.

Thanks for reading

-g.

NEW PICTURES!!!!

Fresh Air...

19, July, 2009

7:59pm

"a picture is never perfect when its first painted,

and, after all; its just man trying to imitate God,

so don't disregard the perfection He has given you,

cultivate it, because no one else has it."

**breath**

I'll call this a lesson learned.

i remember...

july 17th 2009

its 11:17 in japan

what was i doing a year ago today?

well, right now, i was probably taking grams to the center,

or i was just kicking it with her at home being unproductive.

it's the simple things ...

i miss my lillie

a lot.

blow me some kisses from heaven,

or some wit

these people just dont have it!

...in other news.

28, june, 2009

I cannot believe I have 23 weeks left in Japan. Ten months ago I embarked on a journey. I took a step forward when I could have taken a step back. I didn't think, possibly when I should have. But, regardless of what shouldve couldve or wouldve happened, I am here and I am loving it. It has been an amazing journey. I have learned a lot. I have learned about myself. I have learned about others. I have learned about relationships. I have learned about desires. I have learned about love. I have learned about reality. I have learned about dreams. I have learned about needs. So many things have happened that have changed my outlook on life. I am anxious to see what will happen when I get back to the states. I am anxious to see how I will react to the world, the world I used to know. I wonder if relationships will be the same or would have changed. I wonder if my interested will have changed. I wonder how many things will be the same.

I recommend, at this point in your life you do the unthinkable. If you have a want, work towards it. Maybe, if people stop thinking and just do, in their reaching for the untouchable, people will touch their wants and it will become their reality. I wonder ...

gambatte.

faith is amazing!

so today is a GREAT day!

the devil gave me my stuff back,

i feel amazing.

its wonderful.

have a great day!

Why Will (I) Get Married?

http://www.essortment.com/lifestyle/whennotgetm_sjit.htm

come rain, come shine

I'm gonna love you
Like nobody's loved you
Come rain or come shine
High as a mountain and deep as a river
Come rain or come shine

Well I guess when you met me
That it was just one of those things
Don't you ever bet me
Cause I'm gonna be true if you let me

Oh you're gonna love me
Like nobody's loved me
Come rain or come shine
Happy together unhappy together
Won't that be fine

Day may be cloudy or sunny
We're either in or we're out of our money
I'm with you always
I'm with you rain or shine

You're gonna love me
Like nobody's loved me
Come rain or come shine
Happy together unhappy together
Won't that be fine

Day may be cloudy or sunny
We're in or we're out of our money
I'm with you always
I'm with you rain or shine
Rain or shine
I'm with you always
I'm with you rain or shine

((not my words, but these words are amazing))

24.may.09

NEW PICTURES!!!!!!!

please, view them at your leisure.

g.

... sacrificial blessings

May 10, 2009

Greetings all ... 

I have not blogged lately about my journey. I have talked about lent. I have talked about love. But, I have yet to talk about life ... well, recently.

For those of you religious heads, spiritual minds, and those that simply believe in something larger than yourself, you should be familiar with sacrificial blessings. Sacrifice, as defined by www.dictionary.com, is "the surrender or destruction of something prized or desirable for the sake of something considered as having a higher or more pressing claim." 

Well, part of the reason I came to Japan was to sacrifice myself. I know that sounds crazy, right? Well, I, Garnet, am a very caring being. I often put others before myself. I am often selfless when I should (could) be selfish. And, for me, I needed to sacrifice. I needed to sacrifice myself for, well, myself. In moving, I sacrificed comfortability. In moving, I sacrificed knowledgeability. In moving, I sacrificed functionality. In moving, I sacrificed everything I have come to know for something I had no idea about. This, so far, has been the best move of my life. I do not think I understood the full meaning of a sacrificial blessing, but, now, I have my own interpretation.

I have sacrificed comfort, function, knowledge, habit... for a life that I now love. The blessings have been amazing and I just realized how to take advantage of them. One, a friend and I went to a church service, the pastor said "Oh Lord, baby girl, you've been missing out on your blessings, you need to step aside." Well, for me, that was hard, that is hard, that may always be hard. But, being here has made it a bit easier. 

What I have gained from this experience is MORE than amazing. 

Right before coming here I "lost" my most recent inspiration. August 21st was hard for me, but, it restored something in me. It's not the big things in life that make you happy ... well, at least for me. Things that make you happy are the things that are the most simplistic. Being in Japan I have realized what I love has always been right at my finger tips, but I continue to shoo it away, not because I want to, but because others suggest it. Now, again, sacrifice. I would rather sacrifice the "relationship" of someone that is guarding my happiness so I can reach my blessing than hold on to the "relationship" and miss out on the blessing. Everything has a season, we have all heard that.

I have sacrificed bonding with those that I thought were near and dear to me to spend most of my time with 4 year olds that don't speak English and like to climb all over me. But, I was able to realize what I am working for. My road has not been travel, so it is the hardest journey to be on. I don't have a path to follow, I am creating my own. I don't have a support system that has been there, so I have no stories of advice. But, as for me, God's got this. I'd rather sacrifice a Range Rover and a few shopping trips to Saks to impact the children that cannot help themselves. My dream is my blessing and it is definitely attainable. 

Right now, I am living out my sacrifice in order to receive my blessings. Japan is the best thing that has ever happen to me. And, as always, I will make my next move my best move.

Thank you for loving me. Thank you for living with me. Thank you for waiting for my "Lent" to be over.

until ... 

g.

((10, may, 2009))

...if it isn't love...

May 4, 2009

If it isn’t love ….

 

“If it isn’t love, why do I feel this way why does (s)he stay on my mind?”

People sometimes talk about love, and what they do in love. But, love is an action word.

 

love

     [luhv]  Show IPA noun, verb, loved, lov⋅ing.

–noun

1.	a profoundly tender, passionate affection for another person.

 

2.	a feeling of warm personal attachment or deep affection, as for a parent, child, or friend.

 

3.	sexual passion or desire.

 

4.	a person toward whom love is felt; beloved person; sweetheart.

 

5.	(used in direct address as a term of endearment, affection, or the like): Would you like to see a movie, love?

 

6.	a love affair; an intensely amorous incident; amour.

 

7.	sexual intercourse; copulation.

 

8.	(initial capital letter) a personification of sexual affection, as Eros or Cupid.

 

9.	affectionate concern for the well-being of others: the love of one's neighbor.

 

10.	strong predilection, enthusiasm, or liking for anything: her love of books.

 

11.	the object or thing so liked: The theater was her great love.

 

12.	the benevolent affection of God for His creatures, or the reverent affection due from them to God.

 

13.	Chiefly Tennis. a score of zero; nothing.

 

14.	a word formerly used in communications to represent the letter L.

 

 

“what will be the topic for today?”

“love and war!”

 

First up, expectations….

“what do you expect in love?”

 

One kind gentlemen feels this way…

“Well i expect truth and honesty. i believe with those two there is nothing else that wont follow. truth will keep all in respect and honesty will keep those perceptions in line with truth”

 

Good answer … but, part two, “what do you give?”

He feels that…

“i give all of me whether thats emotions or advice or whatever it may be. i give it all”

 

 

Ok, I can dig that, but lets do some role reversing, “what about you, what do u expect in love?”

 

She says…

"I expect sacrifice and comfort

trust is earned so i never expect it because i dont trust people usually ...

when in love i expect you to be close to God, in the sense you are not even CLOSE to the other friends, ur the bestie ... hands down, no questions asked. if God took everything away from me, id pray he didnt take you type of friend"

 

He  liked this ....

 

But, she offered more … 

“love is an action word ... and, well, talk is cheap

im a simple girl that likes simple things

dont buy me things, i can do that myself

send me an "i love you" because thats what you were thinking, mail me a card that says "hi" because u know i get lonely, sacrifice your sleep because you know i need to hear you breathing ... be there”

 

In the end, its not about how many times you say it. Its not about how much you can conjure up some words. Its about what you do. What will you do for love? Will you sacrifice a bit of your happiness and comfort? God is love, right? HE gave it all! Now, Im not comparing man to God, but, I am comparing love to God. Stop throing it around …. Its deeper than the three words.