#trainyourmind 3.0

The best thing about my trainer is she used to be overweight. Why is that the best thing? She gets it. She understands it's not easy. She understands that you'll fail. She understands that you'll quit. But, she also understands that you'll get back up and try it again. And, eventually, that last try will come and you will succeed b

On Tuesday, yesterday, she told me to do 150 sit-ups and a 20 minute walk as my Wednesday workout at home. After church, I ate dinner. Then, I went for my 20 minute walk (today's distance, 1 mile) and attempted my sit-ups. 

Honesty moment: before I started, I gave up. I decided in my mind that I could not do 150 sit-ups so I didn't even attempt one. I failed myself in my thinking. Instead of simply following directions, I did 150 crunches. That wasn't even a challenge. I laughed at myself being lazy. I then got in the bed and kept thinking about how I failed myself. I texted Keriki to tell her how I failed myself (she's fit and hot like a model, I hate her. She knows it too.). Of course I got the Spelman woman pep talk so, I guilted myself into doing 50 Sit-ups. It didn't even take long ... 6 minutes and 23 seconds, smh. 

However, I hated how I felt. I felt grotesquely obese. It was hard. I couldn't even do 1 perfectly neat situp. I couldn't take it. I didn't like it. It was all mental. It was all in my head. I'm now determined to perfect my situp. I am challenging myself to do at least 50 sit-ups every night until they're "easy". . . Until they're routine. Because, I've never felt that way. And, I didn't like it one bit. 

Laugh it off and try again. 

Focus black man, focus. 

G. 

#trainyourmind 2.0

Same alarm clocks - different experience ....

Today I met B at 6. When we arrived she told me we would be on the treadmill for 45 minutes. WHAT? I hate treadmills. And, 45 minutes is an eternity in gym land. The catch was, "you just have to push yourself". For 45 minutes, every 2ish minutes, I increased the incline decreased the speed - decreased the incline increased the speed - over and over and over again. Around the twenty minute mark, my legs felt like jello. I could no longer increase the speed, nor could I walk flat. It was strange. So, I had to psyche myself out:

"Just get to 30 minutes"

"You can do this, it's only two minutes"

"Far less than halfway to go"

"It's just walking" 

"Just take one step at a time"

Just like that, I made it to 45 minutes and felt great. Not tired at all, just jello legs. And, the icing on the cake was when I weighed at home: 250.4. 

"Discipline is not being a Slavs to repetition, it's knowing what to do and when to do it." - TTC

What's your struggle? Get disciplined today. Fight your battles. Win the race. 

Love. 

G. 

#trainyourmind

Last night I set three alarms to get my mind right for my first gym session with a new trainer. 

I have been struggling with weight more now than I ever have. Currently, 253 with no regular food routine and no regular gym routine, I needed help. 

After setting the above alarms, I couldn't sleep. I kept waking up preparing for this gym date. But, I made it to the gym with @biancahopes. She seemed super bootcamp-y when I participated in her fit camp. So, I was legit worried. But, we did a fit test and I was gone 30 minutes later. After doing the treadmill testing speed and incline, sit ups, push ups, squats, step ups and stretching ... I feel amazing. 

This is day one. This is the beginning. This is the last day one. This is the last beginning. I claim health and fitness over myself and my life. 

Train your mind. Think positive thoughts. Be honest with yourself. 

Love. 

G. 

Thoughts on the Horizon ...

I've never been big on resolutions. But, I have always been interested in making plans to benefit my life. 2013 was a decent year for me... I have no regrets, lots of life lessons and an abundance of happiness. But, there are some things that I will be 100% mindful of in 2014.

1. I have absolutely no desire to make appointments for friendships. -- Relationships, in my mind, are two sided. I think it is important to give my all when it is receiprocated. There are people that I loved full heartedly that I need to love from a distance in the future. This goes for family, friends, associates, acquaintances, classmates, church family, village people, strangers... I have no desire to lose sleep over things that should not hold so much energy.

2. Do what you love. Love what you do. Enjoy the people you are doing it with. And, be mindful of it all.  -- Let's just say, with this, changes will occur. Yes, very vague - but, a change gon' come.

3. Love those that love you. -- This is coupled with the first message.

4. Be mindful of the connections you have. -- I am very socially connected, as in, I know a lot of people. But, I don't have many connections that I truly value. I can count the amount of people whose seasons are still alive and well. Then, there are others that I am just connected to, because I met them somewhere at some point. This year, I am going to be very conscious of the connections I have.  -- I will try my best to use instagram for what its for - sharing images. They need not be of me, or of my "profound thoughts", or of my plans, or of my family. But, instead, I will focus on sharing sights that I think are amazing - skylines, sunlight, moonlight, nature, children, travel, etc. -- I will use twitter as a conversation to join in or begin, sharing quotes that I hear or responding to questions that others ask. I want to use it for a platform to diversify my thoughts. -- I will use facebook as a way to motivate those that I am facebook friends with. I will use it to stay connected to people whose path I have once crossed. I will use it as a way to motivate myself. -- The bigger picture here is I will use social networks for their purpose, not for sustaining my life. We have become a bit to focused on connections for the wrong reason. My biggest connection should be community, as that is my passion. But, how can I be connected with the community if I'm not in the community? How can I be connected to the community if I am always on my phone? How can I be connected to the community if I am not living in the moment?

Keep thinking. Keep being. Keep believing.  Love all, but first - love yourself.

Happy New Year Folks.

Peace.

Daddy's Girl

Though he stole my heart, my dad was the first man to teach me how to use my heart. And for that, I am eternally grateful. Having a father in my home allowed me to see how a woman should be treated. From saying things like, "I don't beat you because I don't want you to equate beatings to love," allowed me to carefully consider what I could and could not deal with from men. Receiving my first ring from my dad allowed me to look at men as people and not banks to buy me things I didn't already have. Having an educated father let me know that men too could obtain the education I obtained. In a little over 30 days I will continue this life hand in hand with my husband, but never will I forget the first man that loved me. Thanks dad for being awesome. You da man jack! *high five*

Sometimes, condolences just aren't enough...

Growing up, my parents always taught my brother and I that all we had were one another. They helped us to understand that death was eminent and they would precede us in death. We understand the order of the life cycle – 1^st grandparents, 2^nd parents, 3^rd siblings/self. We got it. Whether we wanted to accept death or not was up to us, but we understood it. As the years progressed people began to precede us in death – 1^st grandparents, then friends…. Friends were not in the equation. Friends were a new thing. Fast forward to 2007 … I had buried more people than my parents combined. Mind you, my parents are 30 years my senior. Something is off. Due to my experiences in life, I have grown to know the grieving process well. I have buried all 4 of my grandparents, I have buried two teachers, I have buried countless classmates, associates, siblings of friends and a godbrother. Yet and still, every process is different. My mind understands but my heart doesn’t. My ears hear but my soul doesn’t accept it. And now, this. I am not sorry for this loss, for it was not my doing. However, I am empathetic, sympathetic, remorseful, saddened, heartbroken, stuck, numb, unsure of what is actually occurring. This is a nightmare. You know, when you go to sleep and experience something and are trying to cry for help but it never comes out and FINALLY you wake up after all of the bad was done? This is what that is. Yesterday I found out. I talked about it. I settled in it. But, I could not settle through it or around it. Another soul is gone. Another body will be laid to rest. Another family is in mourning. Another baby is left fatherless. Another single mother is raising a baby boy. This isn’t a why. This isn’t a cry for help. This is a realization of the occurrences that happen in life. Nobody told me this road would be easy. But, if I know nothing else, I know that God did not come this far to leave them all by themselves. This village has been created and developed to catch them when they fall, provide some comic relief when they need a life, prepare a dish when they are hungry. This village has been developed to walk down this road with them until we can no longer walk. This village has been developed to make sure their support is there 20 years from now when DJ can look to heaven and say “Dad I made it” as a college graduate defying the odds in a single parent household in the Detroit metro area. This village will still be there. It is not going to fade tomorrow after a few days have passed and everyone has said their “I’m sorry’s”. This village is not going to fade next week after the funeral and the burial. This village is not going to fade after his first birthday after his death. This village is not going to fade after the first anniversary of his death. This village will not fade because God is in it. God does not make mistakes and Brian served his purpose here on this earth. We do not know the time nor the hour that we will be called home nor are we to question Gods doings on this natural earth. So I thank God in advance for the strength he has given me to help Lauren in every capacity I can help with as she lays her brother to rest. I thank God for the words he has given me to speak life into her every chance I can get. And, I thank God for allowing me to love her unconditionally and be the friend that she needs as she needs me. In Jesus’ name, I thank God in advance for everything he has placed inside of me to continue to walk down this road. Amen.

Separation Anxiety

Today, my puppy was put to sleep. It's amazing the attachment different animals can have to one another. She may not have been perfect, as none of us are. But, she was perfect to me. 

Love always, g.