Sometimes, condolences just aren't enough...

Growing up, my parents always taught my brother and I that all we had were one another. They helped us to understand that death was eminent and they would precede us in death. We understand the order of the life cycle – 1^st grandparents, 2^nd parents, 3^rd siblings/self. We got it. Whether we wanted to accept death or not was up to us, but we understood it. As the years progressed people began to precede us in death – 1^st grandparents, then friends…. Friends were not in the equation. Friends were a new thing. Fast forward to 2007 … I had buried more people than my parents combined. Mind you, my parents are 30 years my senior. Something is off. Due to my experiences in life, I have grown to know the grieving process well. I have buried all 4 of my grandparents, I have buried two teachers, I have buried countless classmates, associates, siblings of friends and a godbrother. Yet and still, every process is different. My mind understands but my heart doesn’t. My ears hear but my soul doesn’t accept it. And now, this. I am not sorry for this loss, for it was not my doing. However, I am empathetic, sympathetic, remorseful, saddened, heartbroken, stuck, numb, unsure of what is actually occurring. This is a nightmare. You know, when you go to sleep and experience something and are trying to cry for help but it never comes out and FINALLY you wake up after all of the bad was done? This is what that is. Yesterday I found out. I talked about it. I settled in it. But, I could not settle through it or around it. Another soul is gone. Another body will be laid to rest. Another family is in mourning. Another baby is left fatherless. Another single mother is raising a baby boy. This isn’t a why. This isn’t a cry for help. This is a realization of the occurrences that happen in life. Nobody told me this road would be easy. But, if I know nothing else, I know that God did not come this far to leave them all by themselves. This village has been created and developed to catch them when they fall, provide some comic relief when they need a life, prepare a dish when they are hungry. This village has been developed to walk down this road with them until we can no longer walk. This village has been developed to make sure their support is there 20 years from now when DJ can look to heaven and say “Dad I made it” as a college graduate defying the odds in a single parent household in the Detroit metro area. This village will still be there. It is not going to fade tomorrow after a few days have passed and everyone has said their “I’m sorry’s”. This village is not going to fade next week after the funeral and the burial. This village is not going to fade after his first birthday after his death. This village is not going to fade after the first anniversary of his death. This village will not fade because God is in it. God does not make mistakes and Brian served his purpose here on this earth. We do not know the time nor the hour that we will be called home nor are we to question Gods doings on this natural earth. So I thank God in advance for the strength he has given me to help Lauren in every capacity I can help with as she lays her brother to rest. I thank God for the words he has given me to speak life into her every chance I can get. And, I thank God for allowing me to love her unconditionally and be the friend that she needs as she needs me. In Jesus’ name, I thank God in advance for everything he has placed inside of me to continue to walk down this road. Amen.