21 years, + 1

(november 10, 2008)
,
. . the scene:
. november 11, 2007 8:20 pm .
. location: cheesecake factory, atlanta, ga
. it all started with a birthday dinner with me and the bro in atlanta georgia. we had just had a crazy talk with the waitress about how we were twins, and she was a twin too. then my mother called, my phone, to speak to my brother, yeah, that was weird. anywho, she told him whatever she told him and he then handed the phone to me. i was slightly confused because he had a blank stare on his face. well earlier that day a friend called me to ask me how i was because of the unwanted circumstances. but i digress. my mother then asked to speak with me as the words left her mouth ... i could tell she had been crying "geeper died." thats all i got, so i was confused, clearly. "um, what do u mean?" clearly i am intelligent and i know what death is and i know who geeper was so why didnt those words mean anything to me at that point. she spoke longer and longer but the room just stopped, the air stopped, the noise stopped, i think i went deaf temporarily, then i chimed back in. "mom, my brother died today?" she responded "yes." i dont even remember saying i love you to her, or good bye, i think i just hung up the phone. we sat in silence for a minute, got our dessert to go, i think, and said "we have to go now." my brother wouldn't let me go home i had to go to his place and i had to sleep on the couch our brother gave him for his apartment. i couldnt sleep all night. i was in such shock, in awe, just confused. which, to me, was rather interesting, because i had the feeling a month earlier oct. 19th while receiving the news about Fe. life is crazy sometimes. its crazy how you play this game knowing you cant get out alive .... its crazy.
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. so, again, i ask... "what do you say about a man that leaves you speechless, not because you do not have any words to say but because the words you think up are not good enough." what do you say about a man that is kind, intelligent, loving, silly, admirable, honest and God-fearing. what do you say about a man that was always there for you even when you dont remember asking him to be. what do you say about a man that leaves your life, because God called him home. all i can think to say is "thank you God, and Geep I love you."
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.God - i say thank you for allowing him into heavens gates with no hesitation. i say thank you for letting me have him for so long. i thank you for letting him be a son, and a husband. i thank you for letting him be a brother and an uncle. i thank you for letting him be a godfather and love sports. i thank you for giving him a voice that quiets every noise. i thank you for giving him the jokes to keep me smiling. i thank you for giving him the drive to work through the pain. i thank you for his rumination of love. i thank you for his spirit. i thank you for not letting him suffer. i thank you for the liberation.
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.Geep, i say i love you because i mean it. i say i love you because you helped me through so much and taught me so much more. i love you because you were a brother to me. i love you because you loved me. i will never forget what was said that day in july leaving the car wash and heading to the potato place. im not sure why you said it, but i thank you for saying it. im sure it was God telling me and not u, but i got the message. this has been the longest year of my life, it has seemed like forever. but im thankful for the 21 years before this one ... they will forever be in my mind heart and spirit. i miss you, and i love you.
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. always, garnet.terri
. oh, im sure you had a party but, Obama won! im sure he appreciates your vote too ;-)