Do you trust your GPS?

10, May, 2010

Nowadays everyone seems to have a GPS. If people don’t have cars, there GPS is on their phone. If people don’t have phones, their GPS is on their computer. If people don’t have computers they probably have a tracking device embedded into their skin that alerts them if they are going the wrong way. Ok, the last was probably a bit extreme, but you never know. People use their GPS for directions, but only driving or walking directions: transportation. What about the GPS for relationships? What about the GPS for school? What about the GPS for work? What about the GPS for friends? What about the GPS for life? Well, God (the higher power in which you believe, whoever he/she/it is) is just like a GPS. In relationships men and women alike pray for that perfect love. They pray that someone will come and whisk them away. They pray that they will find the perfect man or woman to spend the rest of their life with. Again I say, God is just like a GPS. When you are at point A and input point B into your GPS, what happens? A route comes up, right? Do all of the orange barrels pop up to tell you where construction is? Do flashing lights come up to tell you which street lights are out? Do police cars pop up to tell you where “trouble areas” are? Do potholes pop up to let you know which streets are bad? Do hearses show up to tell you where the funerals will be? Does rain show up to tell you where the flood waters may come in? Do barricades show up to let you know which streets are closed? NO! None of these things show up in your GPS. In life, God is the same way. Point A is where you are the day you pray your prayer. Point B is where you are when you are introduced to your answer. As far as relationships go, your wedding day is your point B. But, on your way to the altar, God shows up, God shows out. God tests you. God guides you. God helps you. God prepares you. God scares you. God tempts you. God watches you. God carries you. But most importantly, God teaches you. I was at point A once and I have thought I was at point B. But, on the day that I wed, my point B will be clear as day. I trust my GPS, but all of this construction, these street lights being out, these “trouble areas”, these potholes, these funerals, this rain, these closed streets …. All of these things are just making my journey a little bit longer. But, it is the best journey for me. And, I will rejoice, trust and have faith in my GPS until (and past) I reach point B.

...relocation...

14, december, 2009

I am down to my last 24 hours in Asia. For the past week or so I have been traveling, Thailand and China. In leaving Japan I find myself to be extremely homesick. I have not been homesick in the entire 15 months that I have been gone, except for when I dropped my parents off at the airport and realized I couldnt go home with them. But, that was 8 months ago.

Asia has allowed me to realize so many things. I have met so many people. But, most importantly I have truly realized the desires of my heart, my mind and my spirit. I have come to see who I am and who i want to be. I have come to learn about the things I want to experience and the things I dont.

I wont know until I return back to the states how much Ive changed, but, Id like to think its all for the better.

Going home will be a very interesting experience for me. There are only a handful of people I communicate with on a regular and I dont mind being a bit anti-social. I am anxious to return to see some museums, hear some music and play in the snow. I am anxious to hug someone. I am anxious to play with my dog. I am anxious to eat my mothers food and be able to bake something in the oven. I am anxious to unlock a door to a home and not walk up the stairs to an apartment. I am axious to see what it feels like to walk down the street and not see kanji. I am anxious to see street signs. I am anxious to see tall people. I am anxious to see what it feels like to return home.

thank you again Asia
its been amazing!

garnet

Transitions...

((Rewind))

August 22, 2008: Originally I should have been departing on this date to begin my new life on the other side of the world. But, due to uncontrollable circumstances, I asked for a later departure date.

Around August 31, 2008 I told my mother I no longer wanted to go. I think she knew I was going to change my mind because she didn't react to this at all. I was adamant about not going until around September 3rd when I decided to go shopping for my September 5th departure. On September 4th I said my last goodbyes and was off on the 5th. I was numb to leaving. I wasn't excited. I wasn't scared. Quite frankly, I didn't have any major emotions at all.

Now, its November 18, 2009. In less than one month I will be back on American soil. I'm anxious. I'm nervous. I'm scared. I'm excited. I'm happy. I'm sad. I'm hesitant. I'm very weary. I'm unsettled. But, in essence, I'm ready.

In the past year and a half I learned a lot. I learned what tenacity is. I learned what stress is. I learned what discipline is. I learned what fortune is. I learned what faith is. I learned what friendship is. I learned what depression is. I learned what translations are. I learned what body language is. I learned what fear is. I learned what dedication is. I learned what love is. But, most of all, I learned what living is.

According to my mother, I have been on a paid vacation for the past several months. In essence, I have. I have been able to travel, party, eat, socialize, learn new languages, see new countries and experience new cultures ... oh yes, and stay in LOTS of hostels. My life has been simply amazing over the past few months. I have seen sakura (cherry blossoms) that are so beautiful a picture could not even begin to capture the beauty of them. I have been atop mountains that have shown me how simple life is. The breath of fresh air that can be consumed amongst the clouds is one of the most joyful feelings on Earth. Standing in the Peace Park in Hiroshima that was full of history only to think about how much peace is actually missing in the world. Living here has made me realize how many breaths people take failing to recognize the moments that are actually taking their breath away. It has allowed me to refocus on the simple things that maintain my sanity. I have been reintroduced to the serenity of solitude. I have been reminded of how beautiful life is.

Japan has been more than wonderful and simply amazing. There are not enough words in the history of words to describe how appreciative I am of this time.

I pray that everything that I have seen, heard, felt, smelled and tasted can help me to have the best life on Earth.

I love my life. Thank you japan.

本当にありがとうございます。

また近いうちに。

ガーネット

enigmatic love

lately i have had some strange feelings: feelings about love and what it is. feelings about love and how to deal with them. feelings about marriage. feelings about happiness. feelings about joy. i feel like a baby but all of my friends are having babies and getting married.

a lot of my friends date to date and settle because they want a wedding. actually, that may be people in general. but for me, dating is different, a wise woman (thankfully shes my mom) once said to me "never live like you are married until you are married." a wise man (thankfully hes my dad) once said, "the guys that buy you things are not the ones you need to love, but they are the ones that will feel as if you owe them something." and a wise young man (thankfully my brother) said "hes not good enough for you" as i ask "do u know him?" he responded "doesnt matter, no one will be good enough."

with those wise words i never felt the need to be exclusively involved with anyone. i like you. you like me. lets go out. if you happen to be the only guy i am going out with that is great, and if not, its fine too. as i prepare to possibly think about considering the fact that i might want to get married in the near or distant future, i thought about it. love is the easiest habit to attain and the hardest to break. so why oh why would i plan to love someone that doesnt make me better? why would i choose to be with someone that may praise me but does not necessarily better my life in any way shape or form.

i would much rather have an enigma. i LOVE puzzles because at first glance u can never see their beauty. it takes piece after piece to make the masterpiece. and if you make your way to completing the puzzle, its forever. mama knows i like him. he is an enigma. i have a few pieces but as i continue to put the puzzle together it doesnt get easier. each day its a challenge, it racks my brain and makes me think. i wait and just look at it sometimes. and if im not sure of the next piece i admire what i have until i can figure out where the next piece goes.

the best thing about puzzles is this. when you see what they could be (their potential) you fall in love with the imagery. when you first start the puzzle it is very frustrating, but you (well i) first put together the framework. the border is the easiest part to piece together because each piece has at least one flat side. you KNOW where they go. when the basics are put in to place you smile. you know you are on to something great. as you find pieces you see different images in the puzzle. sometimes you can get frustrated because you want the end result, but you dont know how to attain it, though u know it is attainable, because somewhere, you have all of the pieces. day in and day out you attempt this puzzle. you admire the puzzle from afar. you take everything into consideration and do what you can with what you have.

but, in the event that you create this puzzle, if you put all of the pieces together, you are sure that it will last forever, until you drop it and it shatters into pieces. but every puzzle will not be dropped. some will be framed and admired for a life time. and that puzzle, that enigma, that love, when it is complete, when it is forever, it is amazingly beautiful. every time someone gets to admire it, they will smile. they may critique it, but they will understand that it is meant to be because all of the pieces fit so perfectly.

piece together your enigmas, do not settle for the film that has been developed.

g.

9, november, 2009

I gave up religion for relationship ...

((12, october, 2009))

So, I was on facebook today and decided I wanted to talk to a friend that I havent spoken to in ages. I cant even remember the last time we had a conversation. Well, we began the conversation on his finance and him wanting to blog instead. Then we talked about my job ... we caught up. And then it turned into a testimonial conversation. We started talking about God and following His word, walking in faith and not fighting the battles at hand. Of course I was raised in the church. But, until my sophomore year of college, I was a part of a religion. I was a religious follower of something I was not truly connected to. Sure, I believed in God and the trinity, but I believed in a lot of things. I followed my families guidance and did what seemed to be a good idea.

After beginning school I wanted a relationship. I wanted a romantic relationship, a platonic relationship, a consistent relationship, a perfect relationship. Now, what better than to have a relationship with God ... Now, Im a control freak. I dont like not being in control. I like leading as much as humanly possible, but with God ... thats not happening.

"it's like i wanna be part of a tag team in these fights and struggles in life, when really im just an excited spectator who gets in his way and slows stuff down and gets injured and needs to be repaired" - CR

Its interesting what catching up can offer you. And, nothing makes me happier than talking to my male friends about God. Halle!

Do you have religious views or are you in a relationship?

fiftytwopluseight

2009.08.october

Sometimes life happens. Ok, life always happens. But, what do you do when life interrupts your living.

As I get ready for the transition back home I think of my losses and my gains. I think about Japan, the place I now call home vs. America that was always my home. I will miss so many things. I will miss the cleanliness. I will miss the safety. I will miss the convenience. I will miss the cordiality. I will miss the helpfulness. I will miss the dedication. I will miss the tenacity to culture. I will miss my apartment. I will miss traveling in Asia. I will miss my kids. But, most of all I will miss knowing. I will miss knowing what to expect.

In heading back to America I have no idea what to expect. Actually, I retract that statement. I know I can count on a lot of lies and deceit. I am sure I will encounter racism. I am quite positive I will see some violence. I can probably count on feeling very unsafe. I can count on a lot of negativity.

How could I feel so strongly about the negatives that America has to offer? I mean, I truly look forward to being able to call my mom all day every day just because I have some random question. I will be very happy to go see one of my brothers shows again. I mean I guess they both have their perks, but Japan may have just been my heaven on Earth.

lets see whats next...

A. Big. Change. Differrentiates. Everlasting. Factors. Greatly.

...28, September, 2009

A. Big. Change. Determines. Everlasting. Factors. Greatly.

After taking a look at myself I began to realize I am not who I thought I was.

Because of my protective shield, I don't open up to some people.

Caring about them more than they choose to care about me,

Deciding to cater to them instead of myself.

Eventually it takes a toll on your heart.

Following your heart and trusting yourself,

Good thing I am a risk taker.

Heavy burdens of "defeat," if you would like to call it that.

I am choosing to make a change for the better.

Just because I am changing does not mean I am losing myself,

Kindly rearranging my relationships based on the "change of the seasons."

Loving myself because if I don't why would someone else.

Merely taking a lot of things into consideration.

Not holding back as much as I did before.

Opening up to those that need to know

Purifying my situations to the best of my ability

Quieting my thoughts and relying more on my actions

Reacting to things in a manner that can help things grow

Simply choosing to change... grow... mature... believe

Taking time to develop myself in order to be the best me, daughter, sister, friend and wife I can

Unifying my mind with my heart

Veiling my emotions, except to those that need to see them

Wishing on a few more stars

X-raying my mind for my own benefit

Yearning for just a little bit more...

Zooming towards my dreams, and helping to create my fairytale ending.

love,

g.