Dating Chronicles: Episode 3

They forget to tell you that in entrepreneurship you are going to spend a lot of time alone. Some days you will love it. Some days you won't notice it. And some days it will be the bane of your existence. You know that old adage "its lonely at the top" - *spoiler alert* the climb is pretty lonely too. 

Being alone is cool, most of the time. I'm an introvert. I literally enjoy my own company. Sometimes, though... only sometimes, I wish I had someone to share some excitement with. Sometimes, I wish I had someone to laugh at and with. Sometimes, I just want to cuddle up on the couch with my person not saying anything. 

But, only sometimes. 

I met a guy on Instagram, judge ya muva. I'm pretty sure I slid in his DM's (Because, hey guys, confession - I'm a professional shot shooter. I literally need to do a blog series on women shooting shots. It's great. You make about 93% of the shots you take.) and told him he was attractive, or something. We talked a few times, briefly, but he wanted to meet, so, we did. One night, I was out with some friends downtown and suggested he come to the bar we were at. He did. I saw him as he was approaching and said - cool, he looks like his picture. So, I shared my location with the friends I was with, and he and I walked around the corner to a restaurant and just hung out for a bit. 

Moment of honesty: I wasn't all that interested about 5 minutes in. 

We kept chatting, but we didn't really talk about anything. There was no substance. Yet, as days progressed, here he was calling and here I was answering. Then, one day, I called and he answered and said "you must be bored, what's up". I laughed and said "I am."

In that moment, I realized, he was there in the moments I felt as if I was alone and wanted someone close by. I would call, he would be busy. But, I would keep calling - when I wanted to be close to someone. Because, lbvs, hugs are important and his were good. 

We spent some time together one day and I realized - Lord, I don't trust this man. Then I said to myself, Baby girl, what IS you doin'? Are you begging for attention? 

Dating Tip #3:

Stop begging,

you're not a dog.

    - @thegarnetexperience

I was begging. I was. I ...

...I appreciated the fact that he was responsive. Though rarely available, he would make time - in time, at the craziest moments, to be available for me. I would literally throw out "we should probably actually date, you know, go on dates" all the time. But, we never went anywhere. We never did anything. We never talked. We would literally meet for hugs, strange - yet, necessary. I would literally beg for his time, throwing out days and times to gather, until he was available. 

WHO. DOES. THAT. 

This dating road is hard. It has lots of lumps and bumps and detours and backups and traffic jams and "unable to find location" announcements. It's ok. In time, your route will be clear and unobstructed. And, in that moment, your path will cross the path of someone that is intended for you. Just because you are alone, you don't have to be lonely. Just because you yearn for attention, you don't have to involve yourself with people you are truly uninterested in. Just because you want someone to fill some space, doesn't mean you need to beg for people to enter in. 

Address the elephant in the room - yourself.

You feel alone? Cool.

Here are some suggestions of what you can do other than call that person because you're bored and beg them to make themselves available for you: (*spoiler alert* It doesn't end well. Trust me.)

1. Read a book.

2. Watch a movie.

3. Go to the mall.

4. Call your mom.

5. Respond to that text you ignored yesterday.

6. Go for a walk around the block.

7. Do some laundry.

8. Go to an open house in a neighborhood you love but can't afford yet.

9. Try that new restaurant that just opened down the street.

10. Volunteer at a homeless shelter.

Even if you choose something that isn't on that list, don't start calling random people spending precious moments you can't get back just because you are afraid to spend time by yourself. 

Until the next date.....

- garnet terri 

Dating Chronicles: Episode 2

I should have learned this when I was dating my ex-husband ... or when we were engaged ... or when we were married, but, I didn't.

Dating Tip #2:

Fall in love with yourself,

first. 

                 - @thegarnetexperience

A Personal, and necessary, note: Nothing I ever blog about my ex-husband is malicious, ill willed or drafted to paint of picture of who he is. The things I choose to state are a very very very small piece of my experience on the journey. Though our relationship ended, he is a person I will always love. From the bottom of my soul, I will never say that was a mistake. Instead, it was quite possibly the best thing to ever happen to me.  

When I met my ex-husband, he was so into me that it excited me beyond measure. I loved me, or so I thought. And, he loved me, too, or so I thought. He was the first person that completely accepted me for who I was. We worked well together. We dated well. We laughed well. We traveled well. We talked about the hard things well. We lived together - well. When our marriage came to an end, it was because he didn't like me or love me. Which, until I saw my therapist, I couldn't understand. But, as we pulled back the layers of that stanky (yes, stanky) onion - I heard what he said... "I do not like you. I do not love you."

Channeling back to the last few months of my marriage, I understood him to be depressed. In his depression, he did not like himself. How on earth could I expect a man to like me that doesn't like himself? I couldn't. But, I did.  

When I moved on from that and went through therapy, unpacking all of the traumas I had experienced in life, I began to fall in love with myself in a way I didn't know was even possible. I began to look at myself in the mirror and see beauty. I began to read my words and see the power in them. I began to look at my accomplishments and see success. 

I started dating, going out with lots of guys and experiencing lots of new things. Then, this one guy, that I didn't even know I was connected to on social media, caught my attention. I shot my shot, ladies: don't judge. Half of y'all need to be shooting shots too, and we began to date.

One day, something changed. We had been dating a couple of months, 3, perhaps, by this time. I kept pressing the issue and then realized "I've been here before." When I realized this was my experience at the end of my marriage, I pulled far far away and only began to respond to him instead of reach out to him. Soon thereafter, it came out in conversation, "I'm not sure I'm ok with me so it's hard for me to accept that you actually love me."

*ding ding ding* DASSIT!

Ladies and gentleman, no one can accept love from people when they don't love themselves - this includes you. Why? Because, they can't understand  how someone can love something so much that they do not love at all. 

See: beyhive for non-Beyoncé fans. 

See: Cardi B's following, for non-Cardi B fans. 

It's not that people are hating. It's literally that they can't understand the love that people exude because they do not exude love themselves. 

Go out there and love on you so much that when someone comes behind you and loves you hard(er), you'll acknowledge it and accept it for what it is. Trust me, you deserve that. 

- garnet terri

Dating Chronicles : Episode 1

It was a Saturday morning. I had just fallen at the gym the night prior and was sure my knee was fractured. The pain was excruciating. I didn't want to go back home because getting in and out of the car AND walking up steps, was NOT happening. But, I was hungry. I thought urgent care opened at 7:00am and it didn't open until 9:00am. After driving around for about an hour I figured I would just treat myself to breakfast. The thought of French Toast from the Original Pancake House made me really happy and forget that I was in pain for about 30 seconds. Then, it was time to get out of the car. I definitely almost fell in the parking lot. Thankfully, I didn't and was able to hobble into the restaurant. When I was getting to my seat, I glanced over and saw this really cute guy. To this day, I can't really remember what he looked like. But, at 8:00am, he was really cute. He had on a colorful plaid short sleeve button up, wore glasses, had on some khaki slacks and I am unsure of his shoes. He was a brown skinned gentleman with pretty skin. As I sat down to order my French Toast, there was a note that said "fresh strawberries are back". I was like a kid in a candy store because now, I was getting crepes with extra strawberries and their amazing homemade whipped cream. DELISH!

As soon as I ordered, I glanced over to the gentleman again and thought, "today would be a good day for him to ask me out."

-- Note: we have not because we ask not. --

I glanced back down to my phone, I think, and was probably about to scroll Instagram when I hear a hello. I look up and the conversation goes like this (he's blue, I'm red):

I wish you would've told me you were coming to breakfast so I could've waited for you to eat. 

*look up and smile* 

What's your name?

Garnet. Nice to meet you .... *waits for his name*

I'm ---. May I call you next time to invite you to breakfast?

Sure. 

I am going to head to the restroom. Write your number down for me and I will get it when I come back. 

I was genuinely excited because a gentleman actually approached me with respect, kindness, and "game". Granted, even after I left the restaurant, I couldn't remember what he looked like and I didn't remember his name. But, I thought about him again, a few times.

He text about a week later to ask me out. I declined. He called a few days after that to talk and talked to himself more than me.

Dating Tip #1:

Don't compromise who you are 

for the life you think you want. 

                 - @thegarnetexperience

We so frequently try to become what others want us to be when all we need to be is ourselves and that alone will attract the energy we desire. Though this occurrence was not a love connection, overall, I give it an A for effort on approach. This occurrence reminded me that men do know how to approach women with respect and admiration. It's admirable and welcomed. 

Until next time, 

- garnet terri

Full.

My birthday is coming up. Not, soon but soon. In a conversation I was having with a friend of mine, friend asked, 

"What do you want for your birthday this year?".

What do I want? *silence* *crickets* What DO I want? I. have. no. i. dea.

As the days progressed I thought about what I wanted. Nothing. I went to facebook for ideas. There were some good ones. I went to instagram for ideas. There were some even better ones. I asked friends for ideas. They had great ones too.

Even with every answer I received, I still was unsure of what I wanted for my birthday. Why was this such a challenge for me?

...because, I have every thing I wanted. 

To be 30 years old and have everything I want is just amazing! I don't love things, so much, anyway. But, to have a home, a car, employment, multiple incomes, flexibility, good health (mental, physical, spiritual, emotional)... what else is it to want? Love? World Peace? More Money?

...and, what would that do for you?

I think we often look for happiness in things. But, happiness is found within ourselves. I think we look to things to bring us joy. But, joy, too, is internal.  I think we often give other things entirely too much credit to make sure we are ok. 

This year was ....hard? But, I wouldn't change it for anything in the world. I learned exactly what I don't want. I learned exactly what I do want. I learned exactly what I want to work towards. I learned exactly what I want for myself. And, for that, I am eternally grateful. 

Today, take a moment to look at your life from within. Are you empty? Are you half empty? Are you half full? Are you full?

Whatever it is that you are, it is up to you to change your narrative. 

Love, you, all ways, always. 

g. 

Reminder: You Are Enough!

Yesterday, my company was a sponsor of a pretty significant event. This was the first time I was hands off (mostly) at a major event. 

During the event, I went over to the table to get some cake for some guests and a young lady asked what kind I was getting. I let her know, "cookies and cream." She then asked if I had had "cake from here" before. To that, I replied "yes, and I would recommend the apple cinnamon." As I walked away but was still in earshot, my staff said "that was the owner of the company." The young lady (early 30s, perhaps) responded in awe. It was the same response you hear after someone missed the opportunity to meet a celebrity. For the first time, in the 3, almost 4 years, that I've owned my company, I realized - I'm doing this. I'm actually "sitting at the table". 

Through everything, I wasn't very committed or consistent. I started things to get my mind off other things. I didn't really want to do said things in the first place. But this, this entrepreneurship, has always been what I wanted to do. The doors that have opened, the relationships that have been built, the tables to which I have a seat ... are ALL results of my consistency. And, I am so grateful. And, quite frankly, I'm extremely proud of myself. 

To those that have supported me, thank you. To those that have pushed me, thank you. To those that think this is just a hobby, thank you. To those that prefer other establishments to mine, thank you. To every client, investor, donor, financial backer, promoter.. thank you. And, for every no .. THANK YOU. 

Dreams do come true and every phase is worth celebrating. Keep going. It's coming. You better not give up. You are worth it. You are deserving. Your dream is there for a reason. It's YOUR dream for a reason. Make a plan and make it happen! 

You are enough.

Enjoy the Process ❤

Stop spending so much time trying to forget who you were that you miss who you are.

Life comes at you fast. Friends leave. Family leaves. Circumstances change. Everything that happens, though, is a part of the process.

Think about this series of events ...
If you wouldn't have fallen in love, you wouldn't have gotten married. If you wouldn't have gotten married, you wouldn't have gotten divorced. But, if you would've never gotten divorced, you never have found your strength.

You see, the beauty in that brokenness is that you literally are a rose that grew from the concrete. The concrete cracked but you still submerged from it. You still have thorns that can help protect you in your vulnerability. But the strength it took to sprout in such a closed space, my God.

Don't spend so much time thinking about the crack in the concrete. Spend more time relishing in the strength that created your new beauty.

Another day, another #garnetism.
Happy Monday folks. 😘

Quotes from TV

"You don't leave because you have somewhere to go. You leave because there's nothing keeping you where you are."